NO! Way

Riley's new favorite word is "NO!" with a vehement, slack-jawed shake of her head. The loose lower lip really negates the seriousness she's trying to convey because she looks like a coon hound shaking her dewlaps. Riley always looks perplexed at my laughter, which just makes it funnier.

I've tried to avoid this word much more diligently than the four-letter no-nos I still need to expunge from my vocabulary. I've had a few trusted friends tell me that I can prevent a NO-talking toddler if I avoid the word myself. That I should flip it into a positive -- tell her what she should be doing rather than what she shouldn't. That if I say something like, "Riley, that's not the right thing to do," she won't be able to repeat that back, but she'll get the idea that she needs to stop.

Both of those tips make sense. I certainly want to accentuate the positive with my daughter. So I made an honest attempt to go those routes. But I've apparently failed miserably. I hear it constantly. Riley even says "NO!" sometimes when she actually means "YES!"

Needless to say, this is frustrating for both of us. And I can't help but notice that Riley has no interest in saying or mastering the concept of YES. I'm having serious pangs over this, because it suggests to me that I've already started a pattern of discouraging her rather than directing her energy and her interests in a more productive manner.

Which is exactly what my mother did with me, and it's a sore point 33 years later. When I have exciting news to share with my mom, her response is always one out of fear about how my new project won't work or why it's a bad idea. I hate that. I feel myself wilt every time she does it. It's hard enough for me that I've stopped sharing things with her that I'm especially excited about just because I don't want her to kill my enthusiasm.

I can't stand the thought of doing the same thing to my daughter, because every time I lock eyes with Riley, I am humbled and awed by the potential and magic I see swirling around in there. So I need to find a way to keep her from touching a hot stove, pulling the cat's tail or running off in a restaurant that won't haunt us 30-plus years down the road.

So I'll flip through my Perfect Mom's Guide to the page on Instilling Self-Confidence and Trust in Mom while Safeguarding her Health and Maintaining Discipline and find...

Oh yeah ... no such thing. Like the rest of the mommies out there, my own included, I'm making this up as I go along and hoping for the best. I know a particularly unpleasant road is paved with good intentions. But I guess I'll just keep working at it and hope that 30 years from now, those good intentions will count for something.